Someone please inspire me

I haven't quit but I am at a stand still...I need fresh motivation! Just don't want to gain while I am awaiting for inspiration lol!

Still hanging in there.

Still hanging in there. I haven't been doing well with my water and I can really tell a difference. I have had a pretty bad few days so it has been hard not to give in and just forget this damn weight loss thing. I ate one cookie (actually the dough) today and Shawn reminded me I had worked very hard for the last 3 weeks and not to blow it because of one bad day (well like 5 bad days in a row). Tomorrow is a new day so I am going to start first thing in the morning trying to get back into the water routine and go from there.

week 3 weigh in

weight-220 (didn't lose a stinkin' pound)
Waist- 45 3/4 (stayed same)
Arm- 15 1/2 (stayed same)
Bust (with boob)-46 (-3/4)
Bust (under boob)-40 1/2 (stayed same)
Thigh- 25 1/4 (stayed same)
2nd short-term goal-10 pounds loss by Feb 15th
long-term goal weight-150 lbs

Dang what a disappointment! I guess I should just be happy I didn't gain after my little (okay okay big) blunders this week but besides that I worked my butt off. I wish I had wii fit :( So I wanna give up but I'm sick so I don't have the energy to fix myself and cheeseburger and chilli cheese fries. So I'll eat some yogurt and go back to bed and cover my head with the blankets.

week 3 measurements

weight-?
Waist- 45 3/4 (stayed same)
Arm- 15 1/2 (stayed same)
Bust (with boob)-46 (-3/4)
Bust (under boob)-40 1/2 (stayed same)
Thigh- 25 1/4 (stayed same)
2nd short-term goal-10 pounds loss by Feb 15th
long-term goal weight-150 lbs

Lost in my boobs only this week??? What the heck is that about!!!! I'm a little worried about weigh in tomorrow :(

uh-oh weigh in is tomorrow

Weigh-in is tomorrow and I am afraid it might be bad afterall I had a bad day, a January Christmas party at Pasta Factory and pizza tonight. I haven't quit, it has just been a long week. Hopefully even if I didn't lose, I didn't gain?!?!?! Stay tuned....

Today was better

Today was a better day. I got back on track and was proud of myself because at a party with tons of chocolaty yumminess in addition to pizza, and chips and dip...I only ate 1 cookie, and one spoonfull of beandip with a few chips. I was proud of myself but after my setback yesterday I doubt I will lose any this week. We'll see....
I am gonna get back in charge of my emotions tomorrow which triggers my poor eating habits.
I'm still hanging in there!

so you had a bad day...

Ok its been a HORRIBLE day and I just want to tell you that eating healthy and being strong and fighting through this urge to eat everything in sight is a battle I don't know if I can win today. I got on the scales this morning and was encouraged that I had lost another pound which helped get me through until this afternoon. I have fought it all day because obviously I must be an emotional eater and I AM emotional today. Afternoons and evenings are the hardest for me on a good day so on a bad day it is 100x harder. Last night I caved and ate a couple cookies but tonight it looks like a whole box of cookies and a hamburger and cheesecake and chilli cheese fries might just be the cure for what has been a terrible day. I am going to drink lots of water and continue to try to fight through this. I am thinking I need to get out of the house to try to get my mind off of eating. If it weren't so dang cold I should go for a nice long walk but I doubt that is going to happen. Remember when I warned you that there may be lots of tears and eyeore and "cursing" in this blog. Today is the day for that so cover your ears because here it comes *!x!?!?!****!!!?X!?***

torture

My family is torturing me! Kailey had chinese food tonight and Shawn has a box of chips ahoy that is screaming my name. I took one bite of the chinese food and walked away from the rest-success! I haven't completely overcome the cookies yet but I think I am just going to go to bed and forget about them....dream about them....eat them in my sleep! Otherwise doing well today. No exercise though and I know I need to kick my butt into exercise mode soon if I am really going to be successful.
Friday night is Shawn's "Christmas party" for work and we are going to the Pasta House......arghhhh I am already stressing about this one! Hopefully a good salad and a couple bites of Shawn's pasta will suffice.
A

week 2 weigh in

I'm just excited I didn't gain during PMS although it is a bit discouraging I lost 8 pounds first week and only 2 this week! I know 2 pounds a week is a healthy loss though so I am satisfied with that.
weight-220 (-2)
Waist- 45 3/4 (-1 1/4)
Arm- 15 1/2 (stayed same)
Bust (with boob)-46 3/4 (-1/4)
Bust (under boob)-40 1/2 (- 1/2)
Thigh- 25 1/4 (stayed same)
2nd short-term goal-10 pounds loss by Feb 15th
long-term goal weight-150 lbs

My reward for hitting first goal-highlight and lowlight hair-1/18/09 (making my appointment tomorrow)
2nd goal reward-movie night with my hubby

Success

SUCCESS! We went out to dinner tonight and I got the salad bar and did not even consider cheating even though that hamburger and french fries Shawn got looked mighty freakin' good! I filled up on my big salad and left feeling good about it! I considered eating 1 french fry but I knew if I tasted them I would want more than 1 so I didn't even try one. I did however, oddly pick up a piece of chocolate today and stick it in my mouth and I didn't even think about it and then I thought "I don't want this, why did I eat this". My brain is slowly coming along....dieting really is about changing the way you think about food.
We'll see....tomorrow is weigh-in.
A

Weekend cheating

I did good all day and then we went out to dinner and to the movies. We went to Mexican so I of course had to have chips and salsa but when my meal came oddly enough I really wasn't all that hungry so I just picked around at it. I don't think I did horrible although it probably wasn't the ideal meal for a "dieter". I drank 2 sodas though and I had really done well cutting back to 1 a day. I did NOT get popcorn or candy at the theater and I was quite proud of myself. As of this morning I had actually hit my 10 pound goal but I am going to wait until the official weigh in on Sunday to say for sure since I ate out tonight.... blah! I really don't feel good after eating that stuff either...

WW points- 36 (I am guessing at my dinner points though because I'm not sure)
water-8
exercise-0
soda-3 this sucks! you know I have actually been really thirsty all day....hmmmm
weight-222 (my little sneak peak says 220 but we'll see Sunday)
Waist- 47
Arm- 15 1/2
Bust (with boob)-47
Bust (under boob)-41
Thigh- 25 1/4
short-term goal-10 lbs loss by Feb. 1st weigh in
long-term goal weight-150 lbs

My reward for hitting first goal-highlight and lowlight hair-

I'm still here

Doing good. The last couple days have been very stressful and I have done really well. I often think I am just gonna pig out and eat everything in sight but then I remember the reunion....I desperately want this and I am NOT quitting again. It was discouraging though when I went to the doctor he told me that less than 10% of people actually lose weight and keep it off successfully in the long term studies without surgical intervention. Whatever...he doesn't know how strong willed I am :) Today we were out running around and it was so freakin' cold that a double white chocolate mocha from Starbucks was sounding pretty dang good but with over 300 calories in one small cup I successfully talked myself out of it...but man it still sounds really good! I am PMSing right now so that doesn't help, yesterday I broke down and ate a few MnM's but man I really needed them and I did stop at just a handfull rather than the whole bag. I am going to look into the water areobics class after I get in the routine of working again and all of that. I loved water aerobics when I did it a long time ago and it isn't usually too expensive. Hopefully by Sunday I will be able to call and make my hair appointment for goal number 1 met :) Time to make another goal...hmmmm I guess cheesecake is out huh???
WW points- 29
water-12
exercise-0
soda-2
weight-222
Waist- 47
Arm- 15 1/2
Bust (with boob)-47
Bust (under boob)-41
Thigh- 25 1/4
short-term goal-10 lbs loss by Feb. 1st weigh in
long-term goal weight-150 lbs

My reward for hitting first goal-highlight and lowlight hair-

Today went ok...I did really well until tonight-pizza! How can you resist a piece of pizza. I was happy when I put on a pair of pants today and didn't have to lay down to button them :) I wonder if it will be easier or harder to resist food when I am at work all day???

Week 1 weigh in

weight-230-222 woohoo I lost 8 pounds!!!!
Waist- 48-47 lost an inch
Arm- 15 3/4-15 1/2 lost 1/2 inch
Bust (with boob)-47-47 boobies stayed the same
Bust (under boob)-42-41 1/4 lost 3/4 inch
Thigh- 26 1/4- 25 1/4 lost an inch

short-term goal-10 lbs loss by Feb. 1st weigh in
long-term goal weight-150 lbs

My reward for hitting first goal-highlight and lowlight hair- only 2 more pounds and I get to get my hair done!!!

blah

I blew it today! blah......

Trying on clothes is NOT fun

I am having to shop for work appropriate clothes because I do not think sweats are gonna cut it for my new job. This was horribly discouraging and motivating at the same time! I was discouraged because nothing but sweats fit me and nothing that does fit looks good and all the cute stuff are not in the PLUS SIZES. I tried on about 20 pair of pants and ended up with two just to get me through. I have no nice clothes because I haven't needed them and even our church is so casual that jeans are fine so dress clothes have become extinct. Motivating because dang it...I am not gonna quit! I am not gonna quit because I want to buy clothes that fit me and look good on me. I am super stressed about taking a job and today I want to eat. I want to eat and eat and eat and eat but taking my measurements helped because when I saw that I was making some progress that made me have enough ooomph to get through another day.

summary
points (29)-29
water-11
exercise-30 minutes WHEW THIS ALMOST KILLED ME!!!!
soda-1
weight-230-I'm not weighing in until Sunday morning but I did take my measurements today because I needed a reason not to eat those cookies my mom made
Waist- 48-47
Arm- 15 3/4-15 1/2
Bust (with boob)-47-47
Bust (under boob)-42-41 1/4
Thigh- 26 1/4- 25 1/4

short-term goal-10 lbs loss by Feb. 1st weigh in
long-term goal weight-150 lbs

My reward for hitting first goal-highlight and lowlight hair

Thursday

I did not sneak in a weight. I am being good. Still no exercise...have I mentioned 3000 times yet that I hate exercising?! The getting off of soda part has gone really well. I haven't had a headache or anything. I am drinking so much water though my eyeballs are floating and I have to pee every 5 minutes, I even had to get up in the middle of the night to pee which is very unlike me! I did better last night after having a big lunch, I didn't feel hungry all evening. Today I skimped on lunch because I was busy and have struggled a bit tonight feeling hungry.
This weekend will be a test, my mom and stepdad are coming in town and they love to eat out so it's hard to resist that. I have been craving a huge salad though so maybe I'll do okay. I have found veggie soup and laughing cow lite cheese are my friend :) only a point per serving.
A

summary
points (29)-29
water-8
exercise-0 minutes
soda-0
weight-230
Waist- 48
Arm- 15 3/4
Bust (with boob)-47
Bust (under boob)-42
Thigh- 26 1/4

short-term goal-10 lbs loss by Feb. 1st weigh in
long-term goal weight-150 lbs

My reward for hitting first goal-highlight and lowlight hair

Killing me...I wanna sneak in an unofficial weight but I don't weigh in until Sunday and I don't want to become discouraged if I haven't lost!

Today was better

Today went better. I was busy so I didn't think about food all day :) I ate a bigger lunch today because the last couple days I struggled in the afternoons and evenings with being starving and I think it helped out a lot. Still didn't exercise....I gotta tell you I hate exercising!

summary
points (29)-29
water-10
exercise-0 minutes
soda-1
weight-230
Waist- 48
Arm- 15 3/4
Bust (with boob)-47
Bust (under boob)-42
Thigh- 26 1/4

short-term goal-10 lbs loss by Feb. 1st weigh in
long-term goal weight-150 lbs

My reward for hitting first goal-highlight and lowlight hair

Ok change in plan

I told you yesterday I hated counting carbs and calories because it made me feel like I was depriving myself of things I wanted to eat which was leading to being obsessed with food. I found the WW info online for points and all of that so I am switching from counting carbs and calories to points.
My points allowed per day are- 29 which I have hit for the day after dinner. My point estimator actually shows 26-31 for my weight but I went by the high end for the weight right below mine which is 24-29.
I felt good today. Still didn't exercise but I have looked at a lot of exercise DVD's on the internet (does that count....internet surfing should burn a few calories shouldn't' it???) I am going to dig out my TaeBo tapes from a million years ago and check them out again. I plan to try to do at least 15 minutes tomorrow. If TaeBo isn't my thing, I will just go for a brisk walk until I decide which one I want to try out. Kristi gave some suggestions on her blog as well as Erin suggested one on her blog. I just hate to spend money on something I won't use.
Interesting....on Dr. Phil, Oprah and The Doctors the last couple days they have all been talking about losing weight, getting in shape, being healthy~ I guess we're only 1 of about a million people who made the New Year's Resolution to lose weight. But let me clarify- mine is NOT a New Year's Resolution. NYR are made to be broken and I am going to do it this time!!! But I did get a few good tips anyway.

summary
points (29)-29
water-10
exercise-0 minutes
soda-1
weight-230
Waist- 48
Arm- 15 3/4
Bust (with boob)-47
Bust (under boob)-42
Thigh- 26 1/4

short-term goal-10 lbs loss by Feb. 1st weigh in
long-term goal weight-150 lbs

My reward for hitting first goal-highlight and lowlight hair

Measurements-scary!

Today was a little harder. I hate counting carbs...I don't eat meat so without carbs I don't have a lot of choices. I am trying to get ahold of a WW book and counter because that seems to be the simplest way to track food intake. I didn't feel so limited doing WW, I feel deprived counting carbs and calories which makes me think about food constantly and obsess about the things I "can't" eat. Goal for tomorrow-find an exercise tape I like (thanks for the idea E.) and locate a WW book (I think my mom should still have one maybe) and chose to be postive about this adventure. Water intake has been easy. I took some before pics but I am not brave enough to post them...posting my weight was all the trauma I can handle for one week.

summary
carbs-I quit counting mid-day :(
water-10
exercise-0 minutes
soda-only a couple drinks of one
weight-230
Waist- 48
Arm- 15 3/4
Bust (with boob)-47
Bust (under boob)-42
Thigh- 26 1/4

short-term goal-10 lbs loss by Feb. 1st weigh in
long-term goal weight-150 lbs

Things I hate about being fat; just keepin' it real girls
bending over to tie my shoes
aching feet and legs when I walk
out of breath just walking from place to place
thinking about food all the time
I can't paint my own toenails
nothing is comfy but sweatpants-jeans are not an option!
trying on clothes
I even have fat toes and fingers
hiding from cameras
my back hurts
my wedding ring leaves a permanant mark in my skin (when I can get it off)
sock marks
even my shoes feel tight
"turn the light off"
lock the bathroom door so noone walks in when I'm showering
"plus" size clothing is just not as freakin' cute as regular size clothing
you know those really cute tall boots...the top won't zip around my calf!

Okay, I warned you-eyeorish....tears....frustration.....no curse words yet but it's only day 2. I am done feeling sorry for myself because tomorrow is a new day and it's gonna be a good one!
A

Day 1

Day 1- overall it was not a bad day like I had sort of expected although I am running out of steam tonight. Evening has always been the hardest for me because I want to snack and eat after I have done so well the rest of the day.

I am doing a combination weight watchers/low carb "lifestyle" change-let's not even use the "d" word today :) My total carbs based on my goal weight of 150 is about 120-150 carbs. I have a goal of 8-10 glasses of water a day. (Only draw back to this is that I have been in the freakin' bathroom all day! I even had to shorten my walk today because I had to pee hehe.) I want to eventually increase my exercise to an hour a day but I am starting off just increasing my activity level.
summary
carbs-189
water-8
exercise-15 minutes
soda-only 1 today
weight-230
short-term goal-10 lbs loss by Feb. 1st weigh in
long-term goal weight-150 lbs

Not a fabulous start but just looking at the fact that I really tried and ate 189 carbs today, I don't even want to imagine how many carbs I take in on a normal day.
Tommorrow stay tuned for measurements and "before pics".

My journey begins....again

I start tomorrow another journey to weight loss. I have done this before and with your help and support I will do it again. I will journal my way through this and share with you successes and setbacks, exercises, tips and trip-ups and hopefully at this time next year I will be able to report to you that I have reached my goal weight. I am putting this on a blog so that I will be held accountable to someone other than myself because unfortunately myself likes food and fools me into thinking it will be alright to just eat one cookie, maybe two okay what's the whole dozen gonna hurt this one time! I am contemplating actually posted my true weight on tomorrow's first day blog post but I don't know if I have the courage yet to do that. Somehow I think if I don't tell how much I weigh you might not be able to see how fat I really am. I am tired and achey and grumpy and self-conscious and avoid situations that I normally love because of my weight. I am terrified to end up dealing with lifelong health problems due to my weight when now is the time before those things surface that I can fix it. I have diabetes, high blood pressure and obesity in my family and I refuse to let this be how I live for the rest of my life! Plus Shawn's 20 year reunion happens in Oct of this year and I want to go looking fabulous! So I warn you this blog may be a little eyeore "ish" at first as I try to change everything about the way I live and eat. There might be tears, there might be a few curse words now and again (I will try to refrain but as you know sometimes wanting to eat Chinese food and can't might cause one to curse).
So tomorrow is a new day! Tomorrow here I come! Tomorrow.....it's me against the food!
If anyone wants to join me so I'm not out here all alone battling the bulge please feel free to join in, create a blog or post it on your original blog and I will link you up to mine and we'll get in this together.
A